Self-Acceptance.

I accept people for exactly who they are. I may get mad, angry, annoyed, but I haven’t ever once tried to change anyone. I’ve cultivated enough understanding and appreciation of the human experience to be at peace with the fact that people are who they are, and it isn’t my job – or yours – or anyone else’s – to change anything about them.

I’ve always been drawn to the deeper, darker aspects of life and people. There’s a reason for that. Had it not been for the circumstances or situations I’ve experienced, or the people I was drawn to (for better or for worse), I would not be the person I am. And what type of person is that? One that is at peace.

Life isn’t meant to be easy. For some, it never will be – until you learn to truly understand and accept yourself.

People always talk about “loving yourself” and I disagree. I think this world needs more people who understand themselves and love others.

I was watching a YouTube clip of a transgender debate about pronouns etc. The trans-woman/man – I don’t know the correct term nor do I care – was debating why they identify with a specific gender term. The person on the other side of the debate refused to address him/her with that term and the transgender person felt “attacked” and “traumatised” by it.

If you’re authentic with yourself, are honest with yourself and understand yourself, you wouldn’t be.

It’s a cold world. People will disagree with you. People will invalidate you. People will say and do things that will fuck you up mentally and emotionally and unfortunately that’s just life. You need to be strong. You need to count your blessings. You need to show some gratitude for the fact that you have the freedom of choice to change your gender and dress how you want.

If you’re going to take that privilege/ freedom and dress like the opposite gender, you need to understand people will judge you and criticise you.

For me, 2018 and 2019 the pain I endured was tumultuous. The situations that arose in my life had me questioning if I could ever have gotten through it. I truly felt as though God/ the universe wanted to shatter me; and it worked. I couldn’t even explain any of it to anyone in a way that made sense. I blamed myself for the pain that I felt… and although some may call it “victim-blaming”, I call it accountability. In hindsight, it was the best thing I have ever done for myself.

I was in the position I was in because of the choices I made. Yes, my intentions were good. Yes, my heart was pure and no I didn’t deserve pain in return. No one forced me to make the decisions I was making. I did that. No one forced me to give too much of myself. I did. I made the choice and with choice, comes outcomes.

You show people who you are, and they decide (based off their own perspective) how they want to interact with you. Whether that is showing them your heart and your love, for them to dismiss it or abuse it; or whether it’s showing them that you’ve changed your sex – for them to decide they’re going to call you something else. It all hurts.

But the pain we feel from choices we’ve made will tell us one of two things:
1- We’re doing something wrong here, or;
2 – We’re seeking validation/ acceptance/ love from people who aren’t meant to be a part of our journey.

You need to question yourself whether you’re actually making wrong choices for you, or if it’s the right choice for you – in which case, you should probably evaluate why you feel the need to justify it to anyone else.

You need to find a way to be at peace with yourself.

How do you expect anyone to accept you for who you are when you barely can?
How do you expect people to understand you, when you can’t understand you?

This isn’t to ridicule transgender people. If you’ve changed from a male to a female and you decide to put on a sexy lil dress with 6inch heels, give zero fxcks what anyone says about you as you strut around thinking you’re Beyonce, then YOU GO GURLFRAANN. If on the other hand, you want to cry wolf and play the victim because people are criticising and judging you for a choice you made as a full grown adult, that’s on you. You should focus on being grateful instead of convincing people to think a certain way just because you do.

If you are somehow offended by this post because you feel as though “people have feelings”, please understand my empathy runs deep. I would never want you to feel like your pain is invalidated or dismissed. That’s an issue in itself. But also understand that it is up to us as individuals to acknowledge what’s really wrong and why we really feel how we feel, rather than blaming everyone else for finding ourselves in a situation that we created.

The same content I create that would reach people it’s meant to reach and help is the exact same content that could potentially make a person with a victimised mindset even more offended. For that reason, I’ve held back writing about certain topics. This isn’t the “truth” it’s my version of the truth, and sometimes it might hurt…. just not as much as it’d hurt me to see you block your own blessings by feeling sorry for yourself.

So going back to me accepting people as they are. My empathy is also with self-proclaimed victims, because they still feel how they feel whether I agree or not. Every human is worthy of basic respect, love and decency – and I will provide that whether you agree with me or not. This is an opinion-piece which may potentially spark something for someone. If not, that’s fine too. The same way you need to be fine when no one agrees with you or believes you’re completely wrong.

We’re not for everyone.