I don’t care how religious you are. I don’t care what you believe. I don’t care what religious text you read or believe to be “true”. I don’t care if you believe in heaven or hell or if you believe in something else or nothing at all.
My posts aren’t for people who are too closed-minded to handle something that’s opposing their beliefs; so if you’re someone who gets offended easily, I suggest you stop reading.
The morning of 22/2/22, I got news from my mum that someone I have been friends with literally forever (I don’t actually remember a time I didn’t know him), had passed away the night before.
While there are so so so many reasons behind why his death had literally broken me to pieces and shaken my whole world up, I won’t be discussing those reasons in this post.
What I do want to discuss, considering it’s Good Friday tomorrow… is religion. Beliefs. Faith. Following.
Jonny had immense faith. There are no words to describe the heart he had. I guess you could call me lucky for having experienced what could be considered the most loving, kind, caring, protective side of him. A connection that only comes around once in a lifetime.
For me to get this version of him and then to lose him in the way this world lost him, is a pain that no string of words would ever be able to explain. I have not only lost him, but I’ve lost a lot of myself.
To know I need to go to church – the church where I said my final goodbye to Jonny exactly one month ago; a place where I spent every single Sunday morning for my entire childhood and most of my teens (where Jonny would be each week).. to feel obligation to go on on Good Friday tomorrow, to go and pray because “Jesus was crucified”… and I’m sure it will be packed as it always is on Good Friday… and it actually makes me wonder why people even bother when many don’t live by the bible.
I knew Jonny’s heart, and mannn, he tried so hard to be what people expected. With faith like his, I don’t understand why God wouldn’t take some of that pain so he could still be here with us. Not only did God take him from me; but knowing the heart that I have and knowing how this would’ve affected me, God still allowed this to occur.
I know God and the universe has it’s reasons. I’m struggling to even make sense of what those reasons could be, because there is nothing I could ever gain that would make up for losing him and how I lost him.
I’m angry with God. And with good fucking reason. Any God that is “loving” and “forgiving” would understand this. Your son was “crucified” but let’s talk about all the mental & emotional pain – the internal crucifixions that people endure. Let’s talk about pain that God doesn’t take away, no matter how hard people try to do better. Let’s talk about the fact that while each and every single human being is making mistakes, some people – no matter how hard they try to do better – but yet are constantly faced with carrying one cross after another.
As far as I’m concerned, people are still dying for the sins of others and many people in this world are far from being “saved”… and I don’t care if I come across as disrespectful – this is literally the reality. Let’s talk about God’s world today and the invisible mental and emotional cross that people carry for fucking years, only to end up crucifying THEMSELVES because where the fuck were you to help them God? And don’t even get me started on the wars, poverty and many other injustices that innocent people have to endure.
Where are you God? Wtf is the point of even putting us in this world just to suffer then take us out? (I actually do have an answer to this, but this post is going to stick to the topic of religion).
I’m sick of feeling like I need to “tone it down” to appear respectful when the reality of life is not fucking easy and we’re forced to feel like we can’t discuss it because of who it’s going to offend. Wanna know what’s actually offensive? Trying to dismiss the fact that what I’m saying holds more weight than your bible verses. And you know it.
Have your beliefs. If you’re righteous and you genuinely do the right thing to the best of your ability; if you have compassion, empathy and the ability to forgive and understand others, then you’re literally living by the principles of every religion and spirituality and regardless of if that’s because of religion, spirituality or anything else, you are exactly what this world needs.
But as for people who want to complain, put down others, point out flaws (as if they don’t have any of their fucking own), hurt, mock and ridicule others, yet discuss how Good Friday is such an important day and we need to go to church to be a “child of God”, please miss me with the bullshxt.
Whether you believe in religion or not; whether you believe Jesus died and rose again or not doesn’t matter. What does matter is reality… and the reality of what so many of us are facing needs more attention than the annual celebration of Jesus dying then rising again. Let’s talk about the people who don’t get to rise again, and how it affects the people left behind. Where’s God for any of them?
I am the daughter of deeply religious, catholic parents. I respect every person’s faith – no matter what it is – and I don’t mean any disrespect by sharing this post… but let’s be real. What was the point of God allowing his son to die on the cross “for our sins” so we could all “be saved”?
This world has a long fucking way to go before any of us get to claim “holiness”; myself included. There are times when I fall short too – it’s a part of being human. But I have learned and grown so much and the only way I’d actually be able to make a difference in this world is by being honest about the stance and perceptions around religion.
I’ve had to resurrect multiple times from many crucifixion’s. Obviously not physically, but believe me I have been bearing my fucking cross for longer than you could possibly imagine. Then to lose someone – the only person who could come close to understanding what it’s like to pull yourself up out of the darkness time and time again, has now left this earth.
I’m not telling you to lose faith. I myself have immense faith – just not in a religious sense. Until we all stop worrying about appearing “religious” and begin to live religiously, all we’re going to get is mental, emotional, physical and spiritual crucifixions.
And PLEASE LEARN TO UNDERSTAND PEOPLE. Even if you don’t agree with what they say or do. Every human being deserves that. And stop kicking people when they’re down, just to make your insecure ego feel better. Be kind to others – it seriously isn’t that hard.
I’m going to end this by saying I am grateful for everything I have and my biggest blessing – my family. I know I’ve developed so much strength, knowledge, wisdom and heart over the years; none of which would be possible without their strength in holding me down the way they do.
Our beliefs may differ – especially with religion, but God has blessed me with truly kind, strong, determined parents and my baby brother – who has saved me in ways he wouldn’t even know. I’ll always be grateful for the blessings.
I’ll also simultaneously be frustrated at this world for not doing better, and frustrated at God for going easy on people who are blinded by their own actions, while being so harsh on many sensitive souls.
Inner Truth Gym 