If you’re highly sensitive to energy and identify as an empath; you, like myself – may struggling with setting specific boundaries, especially when it comes to the people you care about.
You may also be inundated with information on how it’s your own fault for “burning out” and being “stressed” or “tired” because you failed to put yourself first via a lack of boundaries.
While I do believe in the importance of setting boundaries to some extent, this whole concept of “boundaries” is leaving some people (especially the highly sensitive people) feeling as though trying to help or care about other people before themselves is a detriment; and they’re “neglecting” themselves. This concept of boundaries is making people feel like their kind-hearted nature is a curse; not a blessing.
Some psychologists, personal development and spiritual development coaches may even start discussing how it has stemmed from a place of trauma; feeling like the individual is “not good enough” to set boundaries. The individual is then encouraged to heal this “trauma” that is somehow preventing them from setting boundaries; the boundaries that are leading to this lifestyle of being taken for granted, drained of their energy and simply unappreciated.
Yes, ok – maybe….
Or maybe it doesn’t have to be that complicated.
Maybe, juuuust maybe, you don’t need to keep telling people that it’s their own fault for being in the position they’re in because they ended up “caring” too much. Some people just care in general. Some people care for certain people. That’s just how it is.
It’s time we start teaching people how to appreciate those who are good to them; appreciate those who go out of their way to help – even when they don’t have to.
While there is truth to the fact that people need to “heal” from their past so they don’t bleed themselves dry by going above and beyond for the “wrong” people in an attempt to seek love and validation, it’s equally as important to teach people – all people – to understand gratitude. Not just for your material possessions, but for the people who actually do genuinely care.
If people weren’t so entitled and actually appreciated those who were good to them, this world would be a much better place.
This whole concept of “boundaries” is telling us to create walls and form shields between each other – and for what? So we can drift further and further away from the love, compassion and humanity that this world needs?
The thing about genuine people who truly do care about other people – all they want is to be appreciated. That’s all it is. It’s that simple. Do they go above and beyond as a result of childhood wounds? Maybe. Maybe not. Why does it even matter? The fact is, this is how they are. And yes, when it comes to toxic relationships where there is complete manipulation and psychological, emotional or even physical damage, this is going to be an issue and of course the process to understand this type of dynamic is going to be a lot more complex to understand and work through. But a generalisation of this need of “more boundaries” is not what this world needs. This world needs more understanding – regardless of if you’re the person hurting or causing the hurt – you need to understand your role; more compassion, more gratitude and less entitlement.
Also, I want to make it very clear – I’m not saying we don’t need boundaries. We definitely do – depending on the situation and depending on the person. We’re all veryyyyyy different and we all experience things differently. So yes, set boundaries to a point where you aren’t letting people walk all over you. But you would only feel as though people only walk all over you if you feel a lack of gratitude or appreciation from them. It’s a lack of understanding between the people involved.
Stop calling people “toxic” without understanding why you’re feeling that they’re toxic. Stop calling people “too emotional” without understanding why you’re feeling like they’re being too emotional.
Stop making people think and believe there’s something wrong with them for the fact that they care when you should be teaching people how to value the people who genuinely care about them.
I don’t know if it’s because some of these psychologists, personal and spiritual development coaches are simply unaware or not, but the moment you tell people to “cut off anyone who’s toxic” regardless of if it’s someone partner/ spouse, parent, child, sibling – you’re leading this world into further separation.
How are you going to claim you’re helping someone by telling them to cut off their mother, father or sibling? Again – this depends on the situation. Yes there are some family members who are completely detrimental to your life. But I hope you’ve understood the reasons why you need to cut them off. Have you even tried to communicate and sort things out? (If the answer is yes for you, and they have no interest in being civil or have any desire to make amends, then by all means – cut snip snip away). Just a reminder – Sometimes, your inability to look at your own actions is also a reason as to why they do what they do.
Anyone in the field of personal development and self-growth need to begin teaching people understand why certain situations unfold the way they do. (Yes sure, keep your distance if you must) but to “cut off toxic people”… is a toxic concept in itself.
💜C
Inner Truth Gym 