Your mistakes don’t define you, how you deal with them does.

We all mess up, but it’s how a person chooses to deal with their wrong choices – that is what you need to focus on.

There are people who will learn from the pain they’ve caused, and the pain they’ve felt; then there are people who will come up with excuses for their behaviour.

There’s a difference between someone explaining why they did what they did for you to understand them, but until they actually implement steps to fix or change it, they’re just someone with excuses.

Evaluate people’s excuses.

Be mindful of the “excuse” people use that makes you feel compassion for them. There are people who have been on the receiving end of mistreatment simply as a result of bad company; then there are people who will have these “poor me” excuses – when the situation that led them to adopting that “poor me” mentality is just consequence of another one of their actions.

Quick story: At the lowest point in my life, I acknowledged the role I played in the situation. In a situation where I had no control over the outcome, I did everything in my power to make sure I still did what I could to fix it. Many people – friends, family and even authority and specific systems advised me not to, because I was the “victim” of that situation. There was no way I was going to sit around playing the victim at the expense of someone else’s future.

And that is what’s wrong with the world.

People want to “play victim”.

Victims are people who have been forced into wars. Victims are people who have been born into a life where they die from a lack of food or water. Victims are people who have lost their arms, legs, eyes – simple things we’re blessed to have and take for granted. Victims are people who have been killed for no reason other than what colour skin they have. Those are victims.

Sitting around playing the victim because of something you said or did that led to a negative situation is not ever going to teach you what you need to truly heal. I’m not saying this to sound harsh (trust me, I’ve been there myself) – but it needs to be said and it needs to be understood.

So – the situation I was in… Yes, it was hard. Yes, it was a trip to hell – mentally, emotionally and physically. But I had enough accountability and compassion (and a lot of willpower) which led to an outcome that may not have seemed ideal to the average person, but was necessary for me to have the inner peace I needed. Yes, following events occurred that led to me regretting the decision – but the pain I felt from those later situations was much more tolerable, compared to the pain (guilt, regret and sadness – for many reasons) I would’ve felt if I didn’t take accountability.

Being away from the person and situation for some time now, I see how powerful it is to be accountable and look at things objectively. At first, it may even be painful and hard to admit certain faults and flaws in your character – but eventually you will feel your perception of yourself change and improve in such a powerful way.

Some people will never take accountability. They refuse to look at their faults – which I also understand because it truly is a hard process. But if you’re dealing with a person like that, realise that’s who they are and as sad as their situation might be, if it’s something they do have control over and just refuse to, then just pray and let God handle it.  

So as I said… we all mess up; but it’s how a person chooses to deal with their wrong choices – that is what you need to focus on.