I realise now how important it is to understand ourselves on an individual level. Only then, are we able to effectively assess the presence of another person in our lives and whether they’re a positive or negative addition. I’m not saying overlook the “negative” people – but really evaluate if they’re trying to do better. There’s a difference between someone who’s trying to fix mistakes and do better, compared to someone who’s hands down a “bad” person.
They say you’re a result of the 5 people you spend most of your time with. I believe this includes what you watch, read and research also. But best believe your partner makes up the majority of those percentages.
I was in a what society would call a “toxic relationship” for 3 years (I won’t go into specific details) but regardless of what he did, I refused to leave him.
I do believe I’m an old soul at heart, so things like loving unconditionally and showing compassion never took much effort. Forgiveness came easy because I’ve always had the ability to see why people do the things they do. Not saying that to try and make me sound like an angel; I say it because it’s the truth (most people would probably call it weak to be honest).
But having those type of traits, it makes it hard for me to be angry for too long or hold any grudges – a recipe that was great at attracting toxic relationships.
So what made me finally leave? (this is one of the most important things I want you to remember)
It was the realisation that I began viewing the world through his eyes. The way he viewed the world was so different to how I did before he entered my life. I was happy, vibrant, full of positivity and wanting to make a difference.
Through the compassion I had for him, I understood why he was the way he was – but I also realised I didn’t want to live like that. I had such a zest for life prior to being with him, and I was too caught up in loving him that I didn’t realise I was losing that. I was losing me.
Now that’s just an example. But if there’s anything I’ve learned – it’s to choose people for the right reasons. Choose them for what’s in their heart. Try to get an idea of how they view the world – because *get your paper and pen ready* – the way your partner views the world will influence you, the decisions you make and how your life plays out.
If you want to know what your partner truly values – look at where they’re spending their time, effort and energy, and the people they’re constantly with. Does it align with what you want for your life?
Just like family and friendships, romantic relationships are about growing together and we all have things to work on. But when we play close enough attention to the consecutive choices people make – it gives us all the answers we really need.
And I know I said “you turn into your partner” – that doesn’t guarantee your partner will adapt your views either. Although that does happen – just be mindful of the dynamics before you find out you’re turning into a person you don’t know anymore.
I could still love and help people – but to be with someone who had such a different way of viewing the world (in a way that was taking, not adding, to my own personal perception) was detrimental to anything I was trying to create. The person deserving of you will feed light and love into your passion and purpose – not take you further away from it.
Thanks for reading guys.
C x
Inner Truth Gym 