You need to develop a healthy sense of self. To me personally, I believe this is getting to know your heart. It is a very personal thing and has very little to do with anyone else. It’s who you know you are – without the need to broadcast it to the world.
When you have a sense of who you are – the good, the bad and everything in between (don’t just focus on the good or the bad), this is what will help you thrive in relationships.
I dated my ex for three years – on and off – and the relationship was toxic, to say the least.
The years of heartbreak and pain could be easily summed up to one thing – the conclusion that we were two different people who showed love and needed love in different ways.
In my life now, I’ve made it my duty to understand exactly who I am, how I love and how I need to be love – so I can discern very quickly if the love I’m giving and needing to and from a person; and whether or not my life will be better from it. No one’s perfect and things can always be worked on/ tweaked – but for the most part, my own “checklist” for relationships is as follows:
- Without knowing who you are as an individual, independent of the relationship, you’ll struggle with discerning between accountability, expectations and boundaries.
- You need to acknowledge how you love. This will help you discern if your partner is capable of accepting that type of love, and if you’re loving them the way they need – so they feel like you are protecting their heart.
- You need to acknowledge how you need to be loved. This is probably one we don’t often think about, but I promise you it will change the way you approach your relationships, and even the type of partner you choose. We’re not for everyone. Some of us (I’m one of them) that loves intensely, with so much passion that it probably would consume a partner. There are people who would feel suffocated with that type of love. So instead of begging someone to appreciate my love, having the ability to discern if I’m with a partner who wants that kind of love saves everyone a lot of time (and pain) in the end.
Of course you should get to know the same about a person you choose to date as well, to make sure you’re on the same page. The most important thing you need to do is be honest with yourself though. In time you’ll come to find – the people who aren’t honest with you are the one’s who can’t be honest with themselves.
Lastly, you aren’t for everyone. If it’s not meant to be, don’t force it – you’ll end up wasting your own time.
The worst thing you could do for yourself and your partner is to try and change them to be who you need them to be. This is literally the cause of dysfunction in relationships… and I dunno about you reading this, but I’ve definitely had enough of dysfunctional relationships.
So remember Crystal’s 3 keys 
to a success (in love):
- Know who you are by developing a sense of self
- Acknowledge how you love
- Acknowledge how you need to be loved
💜C.
Inner Truth Gym 