Check yourself!

I spent the day with my cousin today and I shared some advice with her, which – given her response – made me feel it’d be worth sharing with you too.

When someone tells you they “respect” you, that should mean they respect you – Period.

I try not to judge people too much on superficial things, but I am someone who judges another person based on their character. I do this, because if you know me personally, you’ll agree that I judge myself and have high expectations for myself and how I treat other people; first and foremost.

I will never have expectations that I, myself, am unable to uphold.

As I was discussing certain situations with my cousin, I realised that there are people who truly respect you; and then there are people who want you to believe they “respect” you – but with a set of expectations.

The older I get, the more I experience and the more I learn about myself, I realise how important it is to be somewhat ‘mindful’ of the people who will respect you – but only if you meet their expectations.

These could be friends, partners, family members, colleagues… pretty much anyone.

They are the people who claim to be a “good” friend/ partner etc – who will do anything and everything for you – given that you do what they want as well.

In a sense, it’s not totally “wrong” – because I guess it’s their way of getting their needs/ requirements met in certain relationships and situations… so they have their reasons.

But again, if you know me personally, I’m big on being able to meet your own requirements… and I’m referring to the internal requirements (not the external ones that others can help you with).

Internal requirements may consist of self-love, empathy, compassion, understanding… those things cost absolutely nothing but a certain level of awareness and care about something outside of yourself.

If you’re not a good person and you realise that maybe you aren’t able to appreciate people for who they are… that maybe you can only have a certain level of care or respect for them if they give you something in return – that’s fine. But be real with yourself about it. Don’t be claiming you’re such a “great” person when it’s clear you’re not that “great” when you don’t get your way.

Don’t go around making others feel bad just because you lack the empathy or awareness to comprehend what they’re going through.

Sometimes, you’re the problem. Check yourself.