You can only save yourself.

I have moments where I’ll be in deep thought about the current situations in my life.

I usually write these in my journal but I’ve started to think some of it is actually worth sharing on this blog, as I’m sure it will help someone at some point – because I really wish someone would’ve told me these things.

I was reflecting about a certain situation in my life – one that’s been pulling on my heartstrings for a long time – especially being the empath that I am.

If you’re a fellow empath, you already know how hard it is to do what’s best for ourselves – because what’s best for us is to make sure the people around us are ok. But I also realised, there comes a point where we need to be functioning at our optimal best in order to be able to help those who not only say they need, but actually want and appreciate the role we play in their lives.

I realised that having empathy is good, but having too much empathy for people and situations who have empathy for just themselves and no one else (the people who constantly play victim) – is detrimental and ultimately, will be detrimental on us.

As the “go-to” person, I’ve spent my life feeling obligated to help fix broken people… but at some point, if you don’t remove yourself from a person that’s clearly unable or unwilling to help you with the fixing part, you’re bound to end up broken too.

I used to think that everyone thought and felt like me. I couldn’t understand why certain people would behave in ways I could never imagine putting someone through. More than that, I couldn’t fathom the lack of care or remorse.

There are people in this world who will hold certain expectations that they are far from being able to meet themselves. Not only that, they will punish you – physically, mentally, emotionally, psychologically; or all the above – if you fail to be what they expect.

Eventually, as an empath – if you’re smart enough you’ll realise it’s probably not the best situation to be in so you remove yourself. But depending on who you’re dealing with, there are several manipulation tactics they’ll use in order to keep you playing the role that serves in their interests – and they will have no issue in avoiding what you may need.

But again, as an empath – you feel as though not being there is equally as damaging for them, because they need you.

Tonight I was doing some deep reflection and I realised – sometimes, it comes down to you versus them. Whether it’s a hypothetical or literal life or death situation, eventually, on an energetic level, you either detach yourself for good and hope they somehow find their way, or – you’ll end up losing you… spiritually.

But as someone who thinks and feels extremely deep, I realise that sometimes, we’re caught up too deep to realise that life is actually so different from the shallow end.

When we understand people, we feel the pain and we feel obligated to save everyone who looks at us to save them. But sometimes, people will paint a picture of them drowning because they know you’ll go to rescue them. When you do, you’ll realise how far out this person might actually be and even begin to start drowning yourself in an attempt to rescue them before it’s too late.

Then, you come to find they have a lifeboard – and they’ve had a lifeboard all along. At this point, you feel as though you’re struggling but you end up swimming back to shore with them. Then it happens again, when they’re out – with the lifeboard – saying they’re drowning when they know you’re not a great swimmer. Yet, you have a need to rescue. Again… you swim back exhausted – and they’re fine, with their lifeboard.

These situations are hard to walk away from because you never know which time they’ll go back out – perhaps without a lifeboard, and possibly drown.

I wanted to share, it’s important to remember – especially as an empath – it isn’t our responsibility to put our life on hold just to go to the beach with them – especially when they know they’re not a great swimmer and know you aren’t either. Sometimes, they have a lifeboard – but they won’t tell you this.

There may come a time when this person decides to go to the beach and doesn’t take the lifeboard. But you went out there without the lifeboard either, which is what taught you how to swim better each time they called you out to sea. You’re not obligated to supervise this person your whole life just because they’re always choosing to go to the beach. One time, they may not take a lifeboard, but they too, need to learn how to swim.

So metaphors aside, if there’s anything I’ve learned, it’s this:

Just because a person tried to kill you and failed, doesn’t mean they saved you.

They put you in a position where you could’ve died – and you’re the person you are because you kept swimming, as hard as it was and as exhausted as you were. Please remember that the next time you feel obligated to jump into that water.

People will almost expect you to end up jumping to their rescue every single time, that some may even throw away their life boards (and life jackets/ send away rescue boats and all the rest of it) for no other reason than wanting you to swim – regardless of how you may be feeling at that day or time.

There are people who will genuinely need you and genuinely show their gratitude and appreciation.

Then there are people who will expect you to help them every time…and instead of thanking you or appreciating the fact that you left everything you were doing to drive down to their rescue regardless of how important those things were to you… they will tell you to be grateful that you’re still alive also.

Or worse, they may even blame you for getting into that water by saying something like “I didn’t need you anyway, I had the lifeboard”. (yes, people like that do exist).

People are who they are, and people will do what they do.

If one day they decide to go for a late night dip knowing what’s at risk, that’s their choice. Remind yourself of the times they pushed you off a boat – having no idea if you could swim or not. You’re alive because you swam to the shore. They weren’t there to help you.

People will leave you for dead, and when you don’t die – expect you to save them.

Now I believe in forgiveness and doing what we can to help make another person’s life easier, but if you have the heart to help, help the people who truly need and want your help. As for the others, leave it up to God. None of us were meant to be in control anyway.