Would you consider yourself a good person? I hope the answer is yes, and if it’s anything other than yes, I hope you’re making the changes you need. If you’re making the changes then technically yes you are a good person to care enough to better yourself for the betterment of society.
Now with that said, if you’re answer is no and you couldn’t care less about what people think or who you hurt, then stop reading right now. This post isn’t for you (because you probably should care what people think).
If you’re a good person, or you at least try to be, then you should not worry about what anyone thinks or how they see you. Read that again.
We are all human, and we all make mistakes, but for the most part, good people will make up for it. A good person will hurt someone but then apologise or find some other way to right their wrongs. Now whatever these “wrongs” may have been – they will always be remembered and viewed as “bad” by someone who needs a reason to dislike you. That’s life. And you should not, I repeat NOT, worry about trying to prove yourself to these people.
I read once that there is a different version of us that exists in the minds of other people.
Find comfort in that.
Because I know myself well enough to know how I am with my family, is different to how I interact with a partner or with a friend; I may even interact with different friends differently – not because I’m “fake” because people love using that word whenever you display attributes that don’t fit their mental concept of you – but because that’s just how I am.
I have a personality where I’m able to switch up my vocabulary, body language, tone and sense of humour etc, based on who I’m interacting with. It’s self-awareness.
Some have it, some don’t. Either way it’s not really an issue in this post.
My point here is to truly emphasise why you’re wasting your time trying to prove yourself to people. Once you develop a strong, inner relationship with you, there’s nothing outside of you that you need to know you’re enough.
I play several roles in life.
I’m a daughter, a sister, a friend, a best friend, a colleague, a cousin… so on and so forth. There have been times when I have been someone’s girlfriend.
Now I can almost guarantee you, the “girlfriend” that I was to a guy I dated back in 2010 will be described as completely different to the type of “girlfriend” I was in my most recent relationship. My exes could both be two completely opposing views, but they’re both right, based on their experience with me.
My mum could view me as a _____ daughter and my brother could view me as ______ sister. Or I could even be described differently as a daughter from my mum and my dad, based on my relationships with them individually. Or my mum could use various conflicting descriptions of my role as a daughter, based on the various interactions she’s had with me.
It doesn’t make any of them wrong. It just makes it different. It makes it different because they are different, and the experiences are different.
So to be affected by what someone says or thinks of you is pointless. Because they’re coming from their own experiences and knowledge, and that really isn’t for you to debate or be mad about. As a matter of fact, it actually isn’t even your business what they think or feel.
You don’t need to prove anything to anyone.
A lot of people don’t have the awareness to separate their own thoughts and emotions to that of another. Again – it has nothing to do with you.
When you realise this – it’s hard to even care if someone has a negative perception of you. A lot of those perceptions aren’t even based on your interaction with them, it’s based off what they heard from someone who got told something from someone and blah blah blah. It’s whatever. Let it go.
If they are saying something that is true, and you’re ashamed of it – then do the inner work. Get to a point where you accept it within yourself that you did something outta character etc, and then let it go. You’re not the only person who’s made mistakes. Once you own your mistakes – no one can hold it against you.
I’ve made several poor choices years ago but I own it all. Now, there’s nothing anyone can tell me about myself that I haven’t already faced interally (at least I don’t think there is)… and it’s a very personal thing. I’m not trying to display my ego here and say I’m completely untouchable coz who knows LOL – but I’ve done enough inner work to understand myself and people in general, enough to get by in life without being phased by basic daily bullshxt life & other people throw at us.
The reason people get offended or triggered easily is because they haven’t faced the depth of their pain from whatever they experienced; or guilt from whatever they made someone else experience.
Once you’ve faced off with yourself, you’ll reach a point where you’ll feel limitless. You won’t even care why people think what they think. Some people will be so far off from the truth and you’ll be ok with that, because you’ll know you. You’ll love yourself through the pain and you’ll forgive yourself through the guilt. THIS is true self-love. Not the show “spiritual” people wanna put on with the whole “this or that isn’t serving me” because EVERYTHING (all the good AND the bad) is serving you in some way.
True self-love is healing, forgiving, empathising and understanding – yourself and other people. This is how you become unshakable. This is the foundation for everything else in your life. This is how you build a powerful relationship, marriage, career, friendship etc. And once you reach this point, you’ll realise that the people who misunderstand you are the ones who don’t truly understand themselves yet either.
And that, my loves, is why you need to stop trying to prove yourself to people.
So if you ever hear me say “I don’t give a fuck what people think” it’s not because I don’t care (as I mentioned, some of you should care), it’s because I understand why they think what and how they think; and I’ve spent years battling my own demons.. I’ll be damned if I spend another minute battling anyone else’s too.
C x
Inner Truth Gym 