In my most recent post, I stated along the lines of “if you don’t like someone for who they are, don’t have them in your life” – which is applicable to any relationship you share with anyone – friend, partner, colleague, family, so on and so forth.
In this post, I’ll elaborate what I meant by that statement, with the focus on romantic relationships.
Now in order to make a decision whether you like someone for who they are, you need to actually know who they are.
We are all potential energy, so it’s a good thing to recognise the potential that exists within someone. However, when we base our relationships based off potential rather than what it actually is, problems arise.
When we look at society, the portrayal of a perfect partner is a person who sees the potential in someone – even when they don’t see it in themselves. So many people may even say they are the reason why their partner achieves their goals.
This is not accurate.
The only way a relationship will be authentic, is if the love of who somebody currently is, outweighs the promise of who they could be.
The only way a relationship will last long-term is if you have fallen in love with the person they are right now.
If time froze right now and nothing ever changed about your partner – if they stayed exactly who they currently are instead of becoming the person they told you they could be or who you think they could be..
Many of us get into relationships because of the potential it has. We may even choose the person we want to be with based on who they could be, rather than who they actually are.
That’s why in the beginning of the relationship – the ‘honeymoon’ phase – things seem exciting; maybe even motivating. We feel a lot of excitement for the future – which makes our current reality easier to live with. As wonderful as this is, sooner or later, we go through situations where we begin to see our partner for who they really are. When we finally start looking at who they really are, we may begin to feel a lack of the person actually we want to be with; instead, we are with the person we don’t want to be with but we thought we wanted, based on the potential of who they could be – who we wanted them to be. We then start to realise how much of an illusion we had.
This is why the importance of truly knowing yourself is so important.
Some of us get into relationships with people for all the wrong reasons. So many people lack an understanding of who they are; they lack faith or belief in themselves and their ability to achieve their goals. They then meet a person who may have qualities that are ‘convenient’ (making up for the qualities they lack themselves) and they believe that with that person by their side, they will finally reach that “pot of gold”. They may even promise that eventually, when they reach that “pot of gold” – they will shower you with anything and everything you ever wanted.
At first, the journey to get to this “pot of gold” seems exciting. You really believe in the idea of finding this “pot of gold” also. As a matter of fact, you may even be in the relationship with them simply because you believe in finding this potential pot of gold. As months even years pass by, you may start to question if the pot of gold really even exists. Then comes the day you realise the pot of gold doesn’t even exist.. and you blame them for it.
We blame them for the illusion that we had, of the “pot of gold”.
We may even resent them for the fact that they aren’t living up to the illusion of who we wanted them to be.
We get into relationships or stay in relationships based off the potential they have.
“Maybe one day he’ll stop cheating on me”
“Maybe one day he’ll finally understand me”
“Maybe one day he’ll stop physically abusing me”
“Maybe one day he’ll get off drugs and be off drugs for good”
“Maybe one day, we can both finally be happy together”
We get into relationships or stay in relationships that we clearly shouldn’t be in, based on the potential that one day, things might actually be different. We allow ourselves to believe that if we just “hold it down” for now, one day, it will be worth it… to find out 3 years down the track that they’re not – as a matter of fact, they may even be worse.
That is because we fell for an illusion, not the reality of the actuality of them.
The person you should be with is the person who is already what you want, before you entered their life. This is how you determine if you genuinely want to be with them, instead of the perception of who you want them to be.
Inner Truth Gym 