There aren’t enough words that could possibly justify the depth of mental, emotional and spiritual transformation that has taken place for me on several occasions over the course of my last relationship.
I had to really get to know myself again. I had to learn to love myself differently. Most importantly, I knew I needed time for my heart, mind and soul to heal. I have probably felt every possible emotion there is on the scale of human emotion when it comes to describing how I feel about this particular chapter of my life.
Now I don’t usually sit and want to be writing posts about my ex, but over the past few days, I’ve been having several conversations with someone very close to me. This person hasn’t experienced the ‘exact’ same situation/s that I had, but I knew enough to felt comfortable in advising her… and to give her valuable advice, I had to reflect upon my own situation/s. The more I shared, the more questions I was asked… which then I had to remind this person that I was only giving advice based on what I had been through. Her situation will never be the same as mine. I may be able to help her get through what she’s currently experiencing, but she can’t take my advice for gospel.
After I had this conversation, I did my own self-reflecting (which I try to do on a daily basis). It occurred to me…
Relationships actually aren’t meant to be hard. They’re meant to be beautiful.
So many of us spend days, weeks, months and even years trying to find answers for why certain people don’t care about us the way we care about them; why they don’t understand us the way we try to understand them; why it’s easy for them to turn their back on us when most of the time, all we want is for them to care.
The answer to that is… because that’s who they are, and you’re who you are.
That doesn’t make anyone better or worse; wrong or right (even though this could be debatable lol).
I have been through my fair share of unanswered pain. It was being left feeling broken in certain situations, with nothing but unanswered questions, that forced me to answer the question for myself.
I understand not everyone thinks or feels the same. I mean, even I have certain moments where I don’t think or feel the same – but I know how hard I’ve worked to be at the level of peace I currently have, which feels better than having ill-feelings toward anyone.
So yes, you are who you are. Other people are who they are.
People don’t care, because they don’t care.
People treat you how they treat you, because they can.
I understand very well what it’s like to be on the receiving end of so much pain, confusion and unanswered questions. It is one of the hardest things we go through in life… we just want the pain to lessen. We want a specific person to be the person that will ease the pain.. we have thoughts like “why can’t they just care?” or “I just need him to understand how I feel” and it absolutely sucks that some relationships get to a point where both partners are on two completely different pages. However, the sooner you realise this is who they are – the sooner you can make the decision to let go.
I feel as though many of us want something so bad that we don’t even question why we want it.
I don’t say anything I haven’t experienced myself, so I completely understand how hard it is when you’ve invested so much of yourself into a person/ relationship, to be left feeling completely broken. But I also understand that we all have our own problems. We all have experiences that have shaped an aspect of who we are today; specific experiences we may not have shared with our significant other.
Humans don’t wake up in the morning and decide to hurt other people. I mean, some do, but life tends to humble people sooner or later. But for the vast majority, no one walks around wanting to be malicious. The people who are deliberately hurting you are the ones who are broken themselves.
There is absolutely nothing you can do to change a person; nor can you make them see what they’re blinded to or force them to feel emotions they’ve shut out. They need to be willing to change for them, not for you. It took me a very long time to actually fully acknowledging and accepting this… and as harsh as it may sound, it is no one’s responsibility to change for you.
My new way of looking at people is – if you don’t like them for who they currently are, don’t have them in your life. (I’ll be writing another post soon regarding this as a separate topic).
So just remember…
You are you. They are them. They aren’t you.
Some people do not have your level of empathy. Some people simply don’t care. As much as it hurts, you should learn to accept it quickly before you start losing yourself.
I’ll end with this-
I think it’s safe to say, we all deserve to be loved and respected by the person we’re in a relationship with. I know people do change, but from what I’ve experienced and witnessed with people in general, you’re probably best dating someone who is already what you want, rather than crying every day begging for your partner to understand the pain they’re causing. Someone who loves you will do that without asking and FIX it real quick. Be with that person. Because no matter how much you love them, a person who truly loves you wouldn’t let you feel so out of peace in the first place.
Inner Truth Gym 