Your emotions are REAL and VALID. All of them.

As time progresses, I’ve started to realise how important it is to acknowledge your emotions for what they are – whatever they are.

I’ve always been a deep thinker. I’m an even deeper feeler. As an empath, not only do I feel my own emotions but I feel the emotions of those around me too – but I don’t want to start getting too spiritual because one thing we can agree on, is that we feel emotions (wassup water signs – Cancer, Pisces and Scorpio). Don’t worry – I’m not going to get into Astrology either.

So… Emotions.

The more I reflect on my own experiences and gain a deeper understanding of life, the further my own inner relationship with myself develops. The deeper I get in touch with myself, the more distant I feel from majority of people, because I don’t hide away from what I feel anymore. Not because I even really wanted to, the universe was pretty much like ‘hang tight’ and took me on an emotional roller coaster for about 3 years where I felt every emotion under the sun at extremes. Fun times. By me ‘not masking my emotions’ doesn’t make me better or worse than anyone else, it simply just puts me in a whole different frequency and for the most part, misunderstood.

I’m deeply emotional. About everything. I have probably felt every emotion on the spectrum of human emotion and sometimes I feel it all at once. No I’m not bipolar (even though there’s a spiritual aspect behind every psychological diagnosis – but that’s a story for another time).

When we’re a child, we feel our emotions. We laugh, we cry and we do it regardless of who’s around. A baby doesn’t care where you are, if he/ she’s hungry, they’re gonna let you know.

Now as we get older, we’re taught to suppress our emotions. Or even worse, we’re taught to invalidate them if they don’t fit the norm.

Think about that for a second.

It’s now 2020. We live in a society where there’s the whole “good vibes only” and “positive vibes only” people who are on a mission to portray how important it is to be happy. Well I’m here to tell you it’s important to be honest – with yourself.

We’re not meant to be on this planet to feel happiness 24/7 – it’s impossible… and if you are, you’re either the luckiest person in the world, or you’re lying to yourself. I’d be leaning toward the latter.

So, we feel how we feel (which doesn’t make it right or wrong, it’s just a feeling or “information” from universal source) and then we question the truth by questioning ourselves, and asking another human (who may have a completely different view of your situation in question) to approve it’s valid or why it’s good or bad. There’s no need to examine it in a group chat with your squad – you’re a grown adult.

How you feel is the answer. So you’re questioning the answer. (This depends on how emotionally intuitive you are.. there are people who live by complete logic – that’s cool you can just “not relate”) but for everyone else who can – you don’t need anyone to say it’s ok for you to feel how you feel. Or… my favourite – when someone tells you why you can’t feel a certain way and why you shouldn’t. 🙄

So regarding that, stop asking your friends for advice. A good friend would tell you to trust how you feel, and you should be able to trust yourself more than you trust anyone. The reason you don’t is because you’ve probably been seeking validation from people your entire lives (which is fine – we’ve all been there) – but I promise you, they do not have the answers right for you more than you having the right answers for yourself.

Your emotions are your guidance system and your feedback.

For example: Your partner says something that upsets you. He tells you not to be so dramatic.

The fact that you’re upset is something he should be able to acknowledge, regardless of if he thinks you’re overreacting or not. This is where a lot of relationships fail (well, possibly 😕 I mean, I don’t know the reasons behind every failed relationship but I’d assume a lack of empathy is likely to be high on the list).

I think where relationships (not just romantic – but every type of relationship) fail, is a lack of acknowledging why someone feels how they feel. In other words, the problem people have isn’t even the problem they’re focused on – it’s their inability to understand why their partner said or behaved a certain way.

Now, you don’t need to agree with me but personally, I think what I’m about to say is extremely important to remember.

You could go through hell and back ten times in a relationship and this person stands by you, regardless of what you’ve done. I’m gonna use the example of a romantic relationship – but it could be ANY relationship you share with ANYONE….like this person could be your girl/ man/ mother/ teacher/ colleague – whoever – this person could love you unconditionally but Your inability to acknowledge how they feel, REGARDLESS of your opinion on if you think they ‘should’ or ‘shouldn’t’ feel it – is going to be detrimental to that relationship. People will get sick of understanding you when all you do is discredit or avoid their emotions.

Your girlfriend isn’t being dramatic bro, she loves you and just wants you to stop messaging other women. And vice versa ladies. Learn to truly love yourself from the inside out so you don’t need to lead on multiple people at once, resulting in two guys getting into a smash just so you can feel ‘loved’ or ‘wanted’. 😒 Try some journaling or affirmations. Honestly I don’t understand why you’d even bother being in a relationship if that’s the case, but you do you boo.

Also applicable with all types of relationships – family/ friendships, etc. The majority of the conflict is more than likely due to someone’s inability to acknowledge someone’s pain or a lack of understanding between them. Let’s not forget the ego issues too.

Anyway… as I was saying. Acknowledge other peoples emotions effectively. I don’t care how right you think you are. I don’t care if they’re lashing out or being the most dramatic person on the planet in that moment. I don’t care what excuse you use to make yourself feel better… don’t you ever EVER invalidate someone’s pain or anger.

Reflect. Always.

If they are acting out to a point where you truly in your heart believe that there’s absolutely no reason – so in other words, if they randomly wake up in a rage and begin crying senselessly one morning – then I’d suggest consult a professional… but for the most part, when someone is acting out – especially towards you in a personal way about a personal manner, you snap out of that ego of yours and attend to that. Don’t be a jerk.

You could have the most loyal, loving partner (or family member/ friend/ colleague) on this planet – but the moment you begin to invalidate their feelings, time and time (x20) again, eventually they’re going to be sick and tired of you not acknowledging how they feel. Orrrr, they won’t even open up to you about how they feel anymore because there’s someone else who actually does. Then you’ll probably realise you’ve been emotionally neglecting them and by then it’s too late. Now YOU have to acknowledge your emotions of being a jerk – which you probably can’t do effectively (hence why you couldn’t be there for them) so to release your emotions now you want to go and punch something or someone. This happens waaaayyyy too often with waaaayyyy too many people. (Most people, actually – except how each person handles it is different).

Moral of the story – Your emotions are valid. You’re allowed to feel how you feel. Emotions are a very personal thing; you’re not obligated to share them with anyone else and you most certainly don’t need to justify it to anyone. The main thing is to acknowledge these emotions and acknowledge other people’s emotions, as best as you can. Deal with every emotion effectively, and save yourself the assault charges.

Thanks for reading.
C x