Food for the soul xo

I’ve been meditating recently – a lot.
Sometimes, I get a lot come through and other times, I don’t. Or it doesn’t click until later on.

I’ve been drowning in uni assignments all weekend and I started getting frustrated. I ended up thinking about how I should’ve graduated two years ago and began criticising myself over choices I’ve made that have inadvertently kept me feeling “stuck”. The assignment coupled with those thoughts became overwhelming, so I decided I’d go take a shower to relax and “cleanse my mind”.

Don’t underestimate the healing power of the elements.

Anyway, long story short – I got back to my desk and decided to share the random little epiphanies I often get. It has nothing to do with uni… or stress. But Karma.

Now I know there’s various theories out there that explain Karma from their own perspectives, so I’m not going to get into the actual definition of what I feel it is. Not now anyway.

I was thinking about how much effort I’ve put in to the things that mean something to me. I was reflecting on a particular relationship and how it influenced my focus and productivity in every aspect of my life, to the extent it did. I related that back to how I’ve put so much effort into my degree over the years and still somehow, I’m still here.

Within a matter of seconds, I found myself in victim mentality. The whole “what’s the point of any of this?” and “I don’t know why I should bother putting in the effort when it’s gotten me no where”.

In that moment, I realised I was allowing my thoughts to control me so I had to remind myself to snap myself out of it real quick – which I’m pretty good at doing (for the most part) nowadays. The power of thought can be so destructive.

I then started thinking of the things I should be grateful for… annnnnd BOOM.

Karma.

We get what we give. We get what we give.
Read that again.

The power of gratitude is everything.
It has the ability to shift your state of being in an instant.

Again… We get what we give.

I was feeling victimised by my “wasted” energy over the years. For uni. For my ex. So much self-pity. But let’s be honest… how far is self-pity going to get me? Not far. I also don’t want to be that person who’s constantly living in the past – I’ve done that long enough.

So again. We get what we give.

I’m blessed. And the effort I put into something or someone else has never gone unnoticed.

I’m not sure about you reading this, but for majority of my life, the majority of conflict I’ve experienced (also what I’ve seen and been told about by others) in relationships is due to a partner ‘not meeting expectations’ or themselves feeling they do too much for someone who “doesn’t deserve it”, so the relationship ends.

The whole being able to “drink out of the same cup you’re pouring into” concept.

We fail to recognise it’s not the only cup in front of us.

There are many cups and many different drinks in each of those cups – but we are so fixated on the one cup that we’ve poured some drink into and so frustrated by the fact that someone else has had it and refused to re-fill it. We stay fixated on the anger, pain, injustice… to a point where we stay thirsty and dehydrated willingly.

So basically… I realised that my love never was ‘wasted’ on anyone. My time and effort wasn’t ‘wasted’ on uni (DEBATABLE!! But anyway…lol) – I am beyond loved by my family, and since moving back in, I’ve realised how special it actually is.

I have so many blessings – maybe not one’s that I’m able to flash on Instagram but internally fulfilling ones. I learned all these experiences have shaped me into who I am today – and I’m genuinely proud of my heart and the way it’s carried me through to even still being here today.

I realised it’s not about accomplishing a goal or getting my degree, but about who I am being and how I’m being with others, even as I work toward my goals.

It’s about having gratitude for it all. Instead of viewing a situation from a perspective of lack – re-frame that story you’re telling yourself and view it from a place of gratitude.

The love you gave that you never got back. Be grateful for the fact that you had the ability to give your love to someone. They probably needed it more than you know… and if you don’t get it back from them, you’ll get it back from a friend who appreciates you, a parent who would die for you or a child who can only show you nothing but pure love.

I don’t even know if there was a particular topic I was trying to stick to LOL but usually I’ll write these things in my journal but today I felt as though it was worth sharing.

So my advice for now… Whatever decision you make, I hope you make it from a place that allows you to be proud of yourself and the way you carried yourself. You’re never wasting your love… and you’re never wasting your time (there’s no such thing as wasting time).

Time is all we have… and as pleasant as that sounded in my head, there is such a thing called time when it comes to my assignment deadlines so I better get back to it LOL.

Happy Sunday!

Much love xo