What comes to mind when you think of the word ‘love’?
I’m a deep thinker and a deep feeler, and throughout my twenties, I’ve conceptualised this word in many different ways.
Some may say I haven’t exactly had the best of luck when it comes to love either. I wouldn’t disagree.
But what exactly is love?
As time progresses and I reach closer to 30 than 20, I’ve been trying to search for more meaning in simple things (that’s all that really matters at the end of the day, at least that’s what I believe).
So let’s talk about LOVE.
Now, I’m not one to really take other peoples opinions on board much, but I’ve had a fair share of people saying things like “you can’t love them” and “this is why…”, “you shouldn’t love them” and my personal favourite – “you DON’T love them” – like yes, please tell me how I feel… because you’d know how I feel more than I feel how I’d feel, right? *I’m not sure how to insert an eye roll emoji here but pretend it’s here*
I don’t want to rant on about my relationship problems from the past, so without giving concrete examples, I’ll let you know what I’ve learnt.
Now given the fact that I’m single and very uninterested in majority of the male population these days, you may not exactly agree with me. But that’s ok.
As I proceed through life, I’ve learned over the years (mostly through experience) that love is having compassion for someone else. At least, unconditional love is.
I look at my parents and I’ve made some choices over the past few years that have completely broken their hearts, yet, the unconditional love they have for me – no matter how some of my decisions have hurt them – is a perfect example of unconditionally loving someone.
I’m a Psychology student and I’ve been through my fair share of personal development courses which will tell you that if you “love a broken man” you “must be broken as well” or that there’s something “unhealed within you”.
Maybe there’s some truth to that, or maybe not. Who knows. Who cares.
The thing is, we’re all human. None of us are perfect. Yes, some of us are broken in some ways – and that’s ok… but you shouldn’t be paying $300 for a 45 minute session to speak to a stranger who hardly helps you anyway. People should have enough compassion (unconditional love) for you to not get to that point.
Yes, I’ve attracted some broken men into my life in my past. Without getting too personal, I will share that I stayed with this man longer than I thought I would’ve and the reason for that (compared to leaving him for a guy who would’ve been ‘easier’ to be with) is that he was always real with me about who he was, regardless of how ‘broken’ he was. And vice versa. From the outside looking in, it looked crazy – especially given how my life was and what my values in life are. But after even questioning myself over and over again in regards to why I stayed as long as I did – I realised it was because I had compassion for him. For the first time in my life I was truly able to love someone because it was never about what he could do for me or how good we’d look together, I loved him because I saw so much of myself in him. I hadn’t done the things he had, but I could see the pain behind the anger. The frustration behind the rage… and so on.
I didn’t love the fact that I was able to have compassion for him, but I experienced enough of what was ‘real’ in him in order to not only see, but feel a part of myself in him.
I’ve realised that instead of looking at how compassion could help someone want better for themselves, people who have no idea of your situation will pin point that there’s something wrong with you for even trying to see the good in someone. *Face palm*
The example I used above is just something regarding relationships and dating in society today and how people have the whole concept of love wrong. Because the moment someone doesn’t fit into their criteria of a perfect relationship, or if their partner doesn’t ‘step up’ – they bounce. To me, that isn’t love.
Now, I believe compassion is the underlying connection to unconditional love but I’m not saying you need compassion in order to love someone. I look at my 9 month old nephew, who is the most precious thing in my life. I also look at my 11 year old god-sister who is currently staying with me, who I love unconditionally. They too, can’t really do much for me. But I adore them. That is real love.
It’s a messed up society we live in.
The purpose of taking the spiritual path will lead you to realise, we’re all just trying to get back to unconditional love for other humans regardless of age, race, gender, colour, culture, beliefs or whatever other systems have been designed to separate us.
To me, unconditional love and romantic love are two separate things… and I realise that regardless of how far I am on my spiritual journey, I’m still a human being and there will be moments when my ego is running me – but I just need to learn to be ok with that. NOTHING is perfect. No one is perfect. No one is meant to be perfect for you, and if you think they are, wait long enough to find out that they’re not – and see if you still love them. With enough compassion, you will… and you’ll learn to grow together despite your differences. I promise you that will be more powerful than any power couple on your Instagram feed.
And yes, that was me being single, giving relationship advice. Because why not *insert shrug emoji*
Much love x
Inner Truth Gym 